5 Signs of Isolation in Your Marriage

Proverbs 18:1 says, “A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgment.”

There are two keys to this verse: He seeks his own desire. He doesn’t care if it’s wrong.
Isolate: quarantine; to separate from another substance to obtain pure or in a free state; insulate (Merriam-Webster Dictionary)

Isolation will be a marriage killer, if a husband or a wife won’t do something about it. When we marry, two people become one. It’s difficult to walk in that unity if one spouse has isolated themselves from the
other. Note how the definition says that to isolate is to separate…to obtain…a free state. When we pull away from our spouse in isolation, we secretly desire to be free of them and whatever is bothering us about them. We quarantine ourselves from confrontation. We insulate ourselves from the possibility of feeling more pain or anger or frustration. Instead of inviting Jesus to be the center of our marriage and to heal whatever is causing illness in it, we quarantine ourselves. This will certainly become the death of a marriage, if not treated properly and promptly.

5 Signs of Isolation in Your Marriage:

1. You look for excuses not to do something with your spouse…every time they ask or offer.

2. You don’t want to be bothered…all the time. You don’t want to be touched, have a conversation, go out on a date–you name it.

3. You no longer desire intimacy or sex.

4. You come home from work and go to separate rooms, doing separate activities. You don’t say anything to each other until you turn off the lights and say goodnight. Once in awhile, this is okay. If it’s a regular habit, you have a problem.

5. You have decided to overbook yourself so you don’t have to be home. Sure, business is booming and you need to work late, your friends want to have girl time once a week, you have to go to the kids’ school and sporting events three to five nights a week, and every other excuse in the book. If you aren’t slowing down to take time to be together, because you don’t want to (come on, admit it), then you’re isolating by being too busy for your spouse.

What do I do if I am isolating myself from my spouse?

Pray and ask God to forgive you for isolating. Chances are, if you’re isolating from your spouse, you’re also isolating yourself from God. Seek forgiveness from the Lord and your wife/husband.

Repentance means that you’re willing and ready to make a change. Go ahead and make it. Decide to spend an evening together. Focus on each other. Discuss any issues you may be having. Maybe you’re merely depressed and need someone to pull you out of it. Maybe you’ve got bigger issues, like a disagreement you can’t come together on. Have a talk. Make plans to go out on a date. Get back to that place of unity in your relationship.

If you can’t come to a middle ground, seek counsel. Go to your pastor. Meet with him and his wife. It’s always better for couples to meet with couples. Men understand men. Women understand women. You won’t have a one-sided session if your pastor and his wife are with you. Allow them to mediate and encourage you both to make changes that need to be made.

Don’t allow the enemy any room to poke his dirty nose into your relationship. Any time we take our focus off of God’s plan and will, we allow room for Satan to tempt us. This is why the Scripture tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger. Kiss and make up quickly. We all make mistakes. We all say stupid things sometimes. We’re human. Accept your spouse as the son or daughter of God that they are. Meditate on the things that are good about them. Think about the things God has placed in them that are perfect for you, that compliment you. Ask God to show you His vision for your spouse. Don’t give the devil any room to play in your mind or your heart toward your spouse.

This advice also works if your spouse has isolated from you. Pray first. Go to your spouse and apologize for anything you may have done to drive them into isolation. Ask forgiveness. Make a date. Seek godly counsel. And kick the enemy of our souls to the curb.

What about you? Have you ever experienced isolation in your relationship? What have you done to overcome it? How do you keep your marriage unified?

Photo Courtesy of Microsoft Images