Taking the High Road ~ Blended Family Ministry

Fellow step-parenting friend Gayla Grace asked this question on her Twitter feed this morning:

I can't tell you how many times during the first five years of my marriage to Vic I wanted to take the easy road. I wanted to all-out quit. I wanted to walk away and not look back on the anger, frustration, accusations, and silent rebellion I faced as a step-mom.

Then came the next five years. During that time, I still wanted to quit. Maybe not all-out. Maybe just as a step-mom. I wanted to throw the towel in on my role as an "extra" parent that I was told my step-son didn't need. I wanted to tell his "real" parents that I wanted nothing to do with him or their choices concerning him. I wanted to say, "Stop putting me in the middle." I wanted to say, "You take care of him. Send him to a babysitter when you're not home." So I wouldn't have to be the middle-woman who relayed messages and was made to be the bad girl all the time.

But I didn't quit. I didn't quit trying to make a positive difference in Zach's life. I didn't quit trying to push him out of his comfort zone (which, like my own kids, was usually taking the lazy way out - only doing what he needed to get by). I didn't quit loving him with occasional tough love as was necessary. I didn't quit doing what I could. I didn't quit my marriage, and I didn't quit my step-son.

And I reaped the benefits and blessings.

Victor and I will be married fifteen years this October. We've been through many ups and downs throughout those years, and we've withstood several storms to find the seas calmed and the winds and waters stilled. God has blessed us beyond what we could hope or imagine or think. It wouldn't be possible if I had thrown out the bucket and let the boat sink.

My step-son is grown and has become his own man. He has his own dreams, followed his father into the construction field and is working, and he still enjoys spending time with us when we visit "home." I am proud of who he has become and am happy to say that our relationship still stands. If I had quit "mothering" him, I don't know what our relationship would look like now. It is an honor to me that he and I can have a meaningful conversation to this day.

It's never an easy thing to do the work necessary to keep a step-family together. It takes a ton of effort, a load of forgiveness, and the ability to see past the present and hope for the future.

But with God, all things are possible. Even a successful step-family.