Establish the House Rules:
Before you blend families (and now, if you have already done so), establish the house rules. These rules should apply to all members of the household, regardless of how often the children are present.
Obviously, some rules should be set according to appropriateness for age, such as bedtimes. Age appropriateness should be the only factor that determines any difference in rules between children. There should never be rules for children who reside permanently in the home that do not apply to the children who visit the home.
Create Consequences for Breaking the Rules:
Once you've established these rules, decide on the consequences for breaking them. A husband and wife should agree on these consequences. If you wish to involve the children in establishing consequences, do so, but make it a point that Dad and Mom will ultimately decide on what they will be and that all children in the home will fall to them if they break the rules.
When establishing consequences, a husband and wife will need to come to agreement - unity - that either one is capable of delegating the consequences for broken rules. When biological parents determine that the step-parent should not be able to discipline a child for breaking a house rule, anger and resentment and bitterness and mistrust rear their ugly heads in both parties. If you expect your home to be peaceful at the end of the day, both parents need to be able to control the environment. One cannot expect that, if you strip the authority of the step-parent. Create consequences that you are comfortable with each other holding the children accountable to.
Remember:
But Jesus knew their thoughts, and said to them: “Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand" (Matthew 12:25).
You shall not have in your house differing measures, a large and a small (Deuteronomy 25:14).
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